So.... I just watched this really popular movie called "500 Days of Summer" - ok I just got chance to finally watch it till the end! Everybody knew it was a well rated movie since it started screening in 2009. At first my reaction was just "Oh..." or "Meh..." into "Okay , here we go!". After tried a couple of times to watch it - without felt asleep in the middle of the movie, this movie is definitely on the edge of my seat! Like... damn where have I been? Why didn't I watch it earlier in my life?
Does the movie meet my expectation?
Hmm... Before I decided to watch it, I was like "should I watch it tonight and be okay after?" yep, I expected I would cry alone on Wednesday night, lol but it turned ok :D It was kinda sad but didn't make me cry at the end :D
I am writing this post right after 30 mins I finished watching it. This movie is legit. Personally it taught me some love lessons in life. Could say it gives me a slap in my face about the ugly-truth of love. It gives me new perspectives about how have we been blinded by love - don't get me wrong I am in those category of people with a strong believer that love is not blind but DON'T DENY IT as a human being, once in your life time your brain will betray you and let your heart win the situation!
So, I make this little dots about things I have learnt from this movie:
1. Dating and The Uncertainty
The very first process before two people committed for being in relationship is dating. I came from a society that is not really familiar with 'dating stage' as the standard in western countries. I grew up and have been taught, if people referring to couple who are kissing, hugging, or even having sex during this 'dating stage', that's definitely a married couple. OR if they are unmarried, then the girl is the slut and the guy is uneducated.
So, there was this guy who I met through online dating app, he taught me a lot about dating - and yep he was my first guy who I "dated". Apparently, dating is a really common thing here in Australia. I was a beginner, blinded and don't know much what normally couple do at this stage. He was a nice, sporty, cool guy - I liked him. We had been dating for one month with the frequency of meeting each other once a week due to his busy schedule. It went okay for the first month - even tho I felt insecure about us. Why? Because at that stage I liked him so much, and maybe more than he liked me. Secondly, for the sake of monogamy I felt insecure about us. The never ending "what-ifs" killing me every nights! What if he meet a new girls? What if he likes them and not me? What if he found someone better than me? What if he just wants something casual?
I felt Tom - his feeling when chasing over Summer (before she said nothing serious between them).
All of those ons-offs feeling when I was dating that guy made me emotionally unstable. It hurts so much when I knew he didn't know what were we going to end up AND that was suck! Things didn't go well. We stop seeing each other after three months. From him, I knew that uncertainty in dating stage is the most stressful feeling ever!
2. Be Realistic!
Again, heart and brain are never be the best team worker! And trust me I knoooow heart and feelings are selfish when it comes to love. It's called blinded for a reason! And I knoooow it is hard to synchrony both of these organs, until I cried in the middle (more like every single nights) of the night, alone, with a fridge open and a tube of ice cream on my lap - and realised that everything is 'too late'.
Thinking that this indecision guy is going to change his mind and make me an official girlfriend is just an unrealistic.
A little bit about his background, he had dated a girl back in high school and lasted *surprisingly* more than two years. I don't know what were the reasons but they broke up. Ever since that day, this guy has been an a$$hole heartbreaker. He decided not to be in any relationships, instead just being available and casual until his heart is ready.
The night before we finally met up, he explained to me about his main purpose meeting me was just "casual-dating". Since I was the noob, he made sure I understood the situation and not giving me false hope. Ok. I didn't promise myself but I wasn't expecting any feelings for a guy who clearly stated no string attached to take care of me seriously! In my mind, I kept reminding myself, this is going to be fun, meet him twice then end it. BUT... things had changed after the first date!
I found him funny, cute, and effortless. Being with him was like a vitamin boost to my self. I like me when I was with him! 0 effort required - it was easy. He was a simplistic guy, easy-going, and fun! Time passed so fast whenever we spent it together. He felt 'home' whenever he was with me, I felt happier when I received his texts, he once considered to ended his single status with me. We were happy, trust me :') The butterflies were in our stomach until... He was indecisive and ambiguous about us. I noticed it was my fault, to actually neglect the fact, that from the first place, it wasn't the reality. That 'happy' fun moments would not meant to be for us. He was just indecisive guy with no relationship intension.
The reality is this simple, if someone is unsure about you from the beginning, you will get hurt. You can't force someone to like you. That indecision is also a decision!
3. Timing = Fate
Believe it or no, time frame plays along in our life! In our work, in our situation, and also relationship. What if, I met this guy when he was actually serious to find a lifetime partner? Things would be different. Btw, I am so sorry I can't mention why did we actually separate but one of the reasons is because he was (is) not ready for a commitment.
He had been a single guy with no interest about relationship, UNTIL he met me. That I thought, this is it, I finally made up his mind. My thought that he actually loved me was wrong. A bitter fact that I need to accept - we met at the wrong timing. In the movie, we often blaming Summer for being a bit*h. She puts Tom in a high hopes for 500 days LMAO, that's cruel tbh! But personally, I think Summer isn't a bitch, timing is! Yes, timing is a bitch!
After what happened to us, I sometimes still wondering, how my life would be if we were actually destined to be together.... The what if-ish is a long list, until a friend of mine said: "If he is not ready, then he is not. He is not for you to keep, he is not yours now. Time will change his mind and heart. Because is not your task to make him actually ready for a relationship. Something forced won't last.."
Again, Summer is not a bitch, timing is! He is not an asshole, he just simply not ready. Our pace was not perfectly match for us to be together. and that's it, end of story! :')
I could not blame him entirely just because he was ambiguous about his own feelings and us. He did mention before the first date that he was only interested in casual and not a permanent status.
Always remind myself, that you can fall in love with someone who isn't right for you and that's OK. Because life goes on :)
We couldn't control who we fall in love with OR who falls in love with us - we could only create an expectation. But when we set (high) expectation to a wrong person, it could hurt ourselves.
But that's OK! We all learnt at the end of the day. If it doesn't work out with that guy, I knew we were just not meant to be together.
Life goes on. We need to be patience and perhaps give time to ourselves to explore more. In the end, every relationship is a learning experience. Don't let one relationship destroy your chance at happiness :) And always be positive that time will heal and answer you in the best way at ur own pace.
Because, when you are ready, you will find that right person...
|Tulip Festival, Lilydale (2017)|
Somehow, Im glad I just watched it today. Perhaps, if I watch it earlier I would never understand how deep the moral of the story is! Because I have been through both Tom and Summer situations recently. Knowing the ending was "bad" for Tom because he didn't end up being with Summer, doesn't make sad at all. Instead, a better version of him shows up and of course a rainbow after the rain - Autumn! Cheers, Soph!